Time is a Funny Thing

The past few days I have been thinking about time. It's a funny measurement because I would say it is the least consistent of all measurements. Sure there are 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, etc. But sometimes it decides to speed up and slow down! I cannot wrap my head around it!!! It is also one of the things I find myself feeling guilty for A LOT! With how many adventure's I feel like our family has had (and having) you would think that I would take every minute and bask in it's glory, whether it's a good one or a bad one, because I know it won't last and will wonder where my time went and did I spend it well. But apparently, I am not that teachable and I am finding myself back at square one wondering where time went, wishing it would speed up, wanting that next holiday to show up, wanting my kids to hit that next stage, yadda yadda yadda. Then the guilt creeps up and I am mad because I know and have been taught that these days we have here on this earth are SHORT! My kids won't be able to go back to the baby stage again and one day I will be wishing I would have taken in every second and loved it GOOD or BAD! 

I am human though, and we humans have to learn things over and over and over (maybe a few more overs on some lessons) again. Sad. 

May 2012

 So why 'TIME" has been on my mind is lately, my days have definitely been L-O-N-G! Braxton is at a difficult stage where sometimes I don't know if I have anything more to teach him. He gets frustrated with me because I don't understand him and I get frustrated back because I don't know how to teach him to stop biting, how to sleep, how to eat, how to talk, how to stop grabbing down girl's shirts and the list goes on! Millie is VERY independent and wants things her way, she doesn't like to share (expected that), DOES NOT like the word NO when it comes to snacks or going outside (tantrums begin), and loves to destroy every book we own! This can sometimes make for a long, tiring, and many times sad day which leads to longer minutes and hours (pregnancy could have a little to do with it too ;)  DESPITE all of those chaotic things and how long they can definitely make a day...there is RELIEF! When we are winding down for the night and Millie comes and scoots next to me on the couch, makes sure my arm is around her and reads me all of her torn books, when Braxton looks at me with that big wide grin, drool hanging from his chin and runs for a great big hug, hugging so tight that I feel like he truly doesn't want to let go and I don't want him to either. When they both get so excited to brush their teeth, read scriptures, and say family prayer. Millie kneels at the couch arms folded with her book she is taking with her to bed and Braxton is just trying to get in the middle of it all because it's exciting we are on his level. That's when the day speeds up, I forget how long the day has been and I am able to only remember the good from the day: how happy swinging for 30 minutes made Braxton, how happy Millie was that she did something by herself without my help, how excited a bottle makes Braxton, and how happy shoes and clothes make Millie. While going through it I sometimes think...how am I going to get through the day but the good out weighs the bad, light displaces dark and what I thought was a trial could actually be considered an adventure!

 I have SO MUCH to learn and I sometimes feel like maybe by the time we are done having kids I may have learned how to be a better mom, and how to NOT take time for granted even if it kind of stinks at the moment! But, I don't want to wait I want to learn it NOW and live in the moment with my kids. I want to play with them more, be more patient and understanding, tell them I love them even more than I do, and not let the little things get in the way of me enjoying the little moments. I am so grateful that I get to learn this lesson over and over again because it helps me be better, a little at a time I am becoming who Heavenly Father wants me to be. He knows I am trying and working so hard, I just hope it doesn't take much longer! So, with that said, here's to seeing the good in things and enjoying the moments now because it doesn't last forever!

Aug 2013 Crazy what changes a year can bring!