One Amazing Year!

Happy Birthday Braxton Rosell McRae!

4 lbs 14 oz 17.5 in

Wow has it been a year! I remember a year ago at about this time Marc's and my life would change forever. Marc went off to California for a Dental School interview and I would be left home because what I thought was horrible back pain would turn out to be back labor and a few hours later result in my water breaking. I still had a little under 5 weeks to go! I couldn't believe it! After what seemed like a dream of being flown up to Salt Lake with my mom, Marc and his sisters driving nonstop through the night to meet me there and then waiting for our sweet, tiny little man to arrive, he did! at 6:16 on November 6, 2010. I will never forget that day (nor will anyone else who experienced it with us). Looking back at all of that now it is amazing how we even got through this past year.

Braxton's month stay at the NICU would start our parenting adventure off and oh wow, that was a trying time. I can't put into words how hard it was to leave our son every night and hope to not get a phone call from the doctor saying something had gone wrong. I cried probably every time we had to drive the 40 min to get to our temporary home at my SIL Megan's home. Thank goodness for her and Mike's sacrifice on our behalf...we can't thank them enough. We just wanted to be by his side at all times. Every day, religiously, we would leave around 9 and come home when the nurses switched shifts. I am sure us being there that much bugged the nurses but there was no way we were going to be away from him. As a mom I went through many different emotions...happiness, joy, gratitude, hurt, pain, loneliness, absence. For a while I felt gypped. I didn't get to be the mom that everyone else got to be. I had to leave my son with a stranger at night. I felt as though he wouldn't remember me. If he was in pain at night I wouldn't be there to comfort him. But then, he would smile or look up at you and you knew, you knew that he knew who we were, his parents who were so lucky to have such a special spirit enter our lives. You could tell when we got there every morning that he knew we were there. Many prayers got answered during that month. Prayers of comfort, healing, and gratitude. Blessings were given and promises were made from the Lord that Braxton, our sweet son, would be alright. I haven't really ever written about this or talked about it much but what we went through in that hospital every day was spiritual. We got to be next to one of the sweetest little angels and he was able to teach us patience, how to have childlike faith, and to be positive. Each day brought its challenges but with each challenge there was growth. I know that because we were blessed enough to be able to go up there every day and be with our son. Each day he progressed, and we got him to the point that we got to bring him home that December 4th night. There were definitely mixed emotions that night. We had to bring home our fragile little man on oxygen and a feeding tube. It wasn't just diaper changes and people helping you along the way anymore...we were on our own. My dream of being a "normal" parent was coming true but both Marc and I were pretty nervous. What if he stopped breathing? What if we couldn't replace his NG tube? What if he got sick? All these what ifs were going through each of our minds but all of that cancelled itself out when we got him in the car and started the drive home. It felt wonderful to have him in the back seat with us. We were parents, on our own, and life was amazing. Yes he got a hernia right when we got him to Megan's house (which stunk) but we got to be with him and we got to get up with him and not have to ask to change his diaper or hold him. I could hold my sweet son whenever I wanted! I could do what I wanted! haha I felt a little edgy getting him out of his pack n' play without permission. ha

As soon as we got him home it was somewhat normal. We were in the comfort of our own home finally.

We took him to many doctor appointments, traveled back and forth from Salt Lake a few times for hernia surgeries, testical (can I say that on a blog) surgeries, spinal cord surgery, ear tubes, follow up visits and more but we got to be there for it all! Braxton has been our champ this year. He has been through more than most people have to go through in a lifetime physically but he did it with such faith. I know he could never actually tell us what he was thinking but I know he had the Lord on his side through everything. He was the one teaching us how to be better. He knew more than we ever would and I think a lot of times he was probably laughing at me if I started crying because I was scared for him...I bet he said it best in his head and probably quoted the scripture Matt. 6:30, "...Oh ye of little faith" The Lord was always there and always will be for all of us. I am so glad I get to learn that every day. He has taught Marc and I to have faith...no matter what we are going through. He has taught us to take life a lot slower. Enjoy each moment. I am so guilty of sometimes not getting ready for the day until 2, still, but I don't care. Braxton keeps our perspective where it should be. This (having our son go through so much pain) was never our plan. As much as I want to have everything planned out each day, it usually never works out because I am not in charge. The Lord is in charge he sends us trials in our lives to make us better people. Braxton has been the best blessing we have ever had. He has handled everything so well and we are so proud of him for that. He has made so much progress and still has many challenges ahead but I know for sure that whatever obstacle comes his way...he might cry for a second but you just wait and a smile will spread across his face no matter what pain or problem he is having. Life is not perfect but it is the perfect life for our little family. I am so happy that we were able to get Braxton through his first year and I am so grateful for the gift that he has been in our life. Without him I don't know where we would be. One year is such an amazing milestone for babies to hit because we as parents got them through it with no road map. I am so glad we get to celebrate Braxton's first year of life and more years to come. We are the luckiest parents ever to have Braxton and that we get to raise him and help him fulfill his goals (everyone should say that about their child). We thank Heavenly Father every night to be in the situation we are in and to be able to learn from such a special spirit. We love you Braxton and are truly so proud of what you have accomplished so far in your first year! Thanks for coming to us! :) Happy Birthday!

Thanks to everyone who helped us get through this past year! We are so grateful for your sacrafice, love and prayers! :) Braxton has accomplished a lot during his 11th month:

He is CRAWLING! Not quite sitting but we are working on it :)

He is exploring, moving all over the place, and becoming more curious it's so fun to see him figuring things out.

He isn't 15 pounds yet...we are working on it haha

He is in mostly 6 month clothing

He is taking naps in his crib

Smiles and laughs constantly

Loves to play with my hair...he always looks for Marc's hair but it's never there. haha

Getting three teeth at the same time!

Still LOVES his jumper

Loves his hand and will touch his thumb between his eyes and push himself backwards. haha He cracks himself up all the time doing that.

Likes to joke around with mom and dad

Loves to play with his dad
Isn't sleeping through the night yet :(

Loves to play with his book, drum, and anything that looks like a string

He has has major growth this past month and it is so exciting to think that he has come this far in such a short time! Can't wait to see what he accomplishes this next year! :)